


Ermintrude Runs A Meeting

by Mara



Series: The Ermintrude Chronicles [5]
Category: Secret Adventures of Jules Verne
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-04
Updated: 2006-03-04
Packaged: 2017-10-06 01:41:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mara/pseuds/Mara
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ermintrude Fogg has some *unusual* friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ermintrude Runs A Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> Um...uh...yeah. Stuff. I actually started this several years ago--as you'll see from one of the pop culture references--but I was inspired recently to finish it

Time: None  
Location: Nowhere

They trickled into the room in ones and twos, meeting old friends and catching up on what had happened in the intervening...notime...since their last meeting. The room looked a little hazy around the edges, but that didn't bother anyone in this crowd too much. Life is like that, after all.

The rest of the room contained a podium, chairs, and, of course, the snack table in back, which overflowed with cakes, cookies, cucumber sandwiches, and other finger foods.

Groups formed and reformed, clothing of every possible shape, color, and size swirling dizzily through the room. The kaleidoscope of color was enough to unsettle the unprepared, but the women in this room were *always* prepared.

"Well, I've always felt that being the power behind the powerful is so much more enjoyable," said a striking woman in a dress patently never made on Earth. "As I told Gregor many years ago, quiet power is also more effective."

"Alys, dear," said Ermintrude, "I could not agree more, and you have been an inspiration to us all." She looked around the room. "Do you think everyone is here?"

"Hmm. Well, I know Cordelia's stuck at home clearing up another one of Miles' messes, and Gladys, oh, there she is." Alys waved at an elderly woman in a wrinkled red housedress and pink ankle socks, surrounded by cats.

"I do wish she would leave the cats on Earth, or at least drop them someplace else on the multiverse. It's not as if she doesn't have catsitters on three separate planets." Ermintrude sighed, knowing at least one cat would get into the punchbowl by the end of the evening.

"She does," Alys said, "but they always find her. The only thing stronger than her magic is a cat's will. And ever since she and the rest of the Ring ran into that spot of trouble, the cats are unwilling to leave her alone. Ah, I see Lwaxana has arrived. I must speak to her for a moment."

Ermintrude nodded. "Will we have a chance to chat later?"

"Of course. You didn't get to tell me how Phileas and Rebecca are doing."

Peering across the room, Ermintrude tried to see who Gladys was speaking to. One woman was obviously May, her slight frame an anomaly in the room, and the other, nondescript woman looked vaguely familiar, but Ermintrude couldn't recall her name. She shook her head, reminding herself to ask Gladys or May later.

As a few more women meandered in, she decided it was time to get started and strode to the podium. "Ladies, I believe it is time to get started, so everyone settle down. Um, Jane, I believe that is *my* knitting you just picked up. Perhaps you left yours in St. Mary Mead again."

Ermintrude paused and looked proudly over the faces in front of her. "As the recently elected president, I would like to welcome you to the latest meeting of Tough Old Broads Through Time and Space."

"Ermintrude!" a voice called out.

Ermintrude scowled. "Fine, Hera, Tough Old(er) Broads. Now, everyone be certain to thank Eugenia for organizing the refreshments for this meeting."

Polite applause as one of the many grandmotherly-looking white-haired women stood up, blushing slightly. "You're all very welcome, and I hope you enjoy the food. I would have brought my 27-ingredient chili con carne, but that seemed a bit too elaborate."

"Thank you, Genie," Ermintrude said. "I am very proud to preside over my first meeting as president, especially since I am so new to your ranks. I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome our newest member, Mrs. Dolores Landingham, last seen as personal secretary to the United States of America in the early 21st century."

The small and slightly see-through woman stood up. "Thank you, Ermintrude, I only wish I had been able to attend a meeting before I died."

"That's quite all right," said the woman next to her, "I've been dead for years, but that hasn't stopped me getting things done. Goodness, I've arranged so many happy marriages..."

"Absolutely true, Dimity," Ermintrude said. "Dolores, I am sure you will continue to help your friends even though you are dead. I believe you convinced that nice Bartlett gentleman to run for President again, correct?"

"That's true. He was about to chicken out, but I gave him what for." Dolores smiled proudly.

"Good job, and welcome to the club. Now we come to the main business of the meeting, keeping the multiverse running properly. We will hear reports from our committees. First, we will hear from the chair of the Legal and Justice Committee. Anita?"

The compact, dark-skinned woman made her way quickly to the podium. "Thank you, Ermintrude. My report's going to be short, since I've been getting up to speed since being forced out of the department. But my new job, well, I'll tell you about it at the end of my report. Dimity, your suggestions were greatly appreciated."

Dimity nodded regally. "You are quite welcome, Anita dear. I just *knew* that dear Mike and Ben could be persuaded to see the light."

Anita shuffled her notes. "My committee has been monitoring various legal systems and we have identified some new crisis points where members will concentrate. Several of us are working on the 20th century in America and I believe we stand a good chance of averting the police state we have foreseen. However, we have openings in 18th century France, 22nd century Australia, and 25th century Luna. If you know anyone who is free, please speak to me after the meeting. All our operatives report situation normal and nothing to report. Emily, did you want to say something? Emily Seeton?"

The slightly bewildered-looking woman blinked as she looked up from her sketchbook, where she'd been drawing a picture of Ermintrude as a Valkyrie. "Oh yes, I believe I did."

Umbrella firmly in hand, she strode to the podium (several women ducking out of the way of the umbrella). "The police consultant and private detective line has been even more fruitful than we thought. We have helped a great many people as independent agents, and I believe we should all thank Maud and Hildegarde for their early championing of this plan." The women applauded.

Ermintrude smiled--she had always liked the private detective angle. Perhaps when her current assignment was complete she could switch over and become a private inquiry agent like Maud. Or run her own detective agency like Bertha. She could have lackeys like Bertha's Donald to do the boring work. Hmm...

Looking up, Ermintrude realized that everyone was applauding and she'd best get on with running the meeting. "Next, we'll hear from the Human Rights Committee chair. Emily Pollifax?"

Emily blushed slightly as she stood at the podium. Despite all her speaking experience, at the Garden Club, in karate class, and at the CIA, she was always nervous. Anita whispered to her as she passed, "Don't worry so much, you're among friends."

"This has been a difficult time for the Human Rights committee," Emily said.

"That's because nobody cares about other people," shouted a voice from the audience.

"Now, Diana, that's not true." Emily frowned. "I know you've had problems at Bayview, but you can't tell me you've found nobody who cares."

"Oh, you're right," Diana said. "It's just that when I retired from active duty and from photojournalism, I expected things to get better, not worse."

"But they will," Emily said simply. "I know it's been a difficult time, we've been dealing with so many different examples of people's inhumanity towards others, but there have also been examples of human goodness. You've all seen them."

Heads nodded. Emily continued, "The 21st century African situation is on its way to closure..."

Ermintrude's mind wandered, unable to concentrate on the Human Rights situation. She frowned down at the agenda, wondering who was going to speak for the Literary Committee, since Jacqueline couldn't make it. Scanning the room, she found Henrie O. That was okay, then. It was too bad about Jacqueline, however, as she'd very much wanted to hear how things were going at the college.

The Science and Magic Committee was well-represented, as Ermintrude could see Amelia taking assiduous notes and Lady Morella looking smug about something or other. Susan appeared to be taking notes as well, but Ermintrude suspected she was actually working on something to do with her robots.

Children's Affairs was a bit short this meeting, since Hilda couldn't make it. Oh, although Rose could probably step in and talk about the teen vigilante initiative. Where in the world had Sister Mary gotten to, though? Ermintrude made a note to check on that. Surely things hadn't gotten so dire at the orphanage again without her asking for help?

Too bad about Hilda, but her note had said something about a crisis at the school and a child named Jubilee, and who could blame her? And Minerva, well, she always seemed to have a crisis, poor dear. The sooner that Harry child was grown and trained, the better for everyone.

Ermintrude stood up to introduce Leslie, speaking for the Medical Committee, and the meeting went on as it always did, including smartass comments from the audience, brainstorming, debate, and some moments of sheer brilliance.

As the Hon Con finished giving the report of the Queer Committee (Representing Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Transvestites, Transsexuals, and Anyone Else We've Forgotten), the slow applause showed that everyone was ready to break for refreshments and head home.

Ermintrude stood up, smiling. "I'll keep this short, as I know we'd all like to finish the meeting, but I want to say what an honor it is to have been chosen as your president.

"We face challenges in every corner of space and time: famine, disease, war, cruelty, inhumanity...but we remain undaunted. Unnoticed and often disrespected, we continue our work.

"We work in the small spaces, the odd corners, the places that men never think to look. And together we will change history!"

The cheers were thunderous and Ermintrude smiled broadly, holding out her hands to the crowd. "Now let's eat!"

This time, the cheers shook the not-quite-solid walls. It paid, Ermintrude thought with a grin, to know your audience.

\--end--

**Author's Note:**

> These women come from a variety of sources: television, books, movies, comics, and even mythology. Some are very well known and some are obscure. I'd like to thank my father and MsCongeniality for brainstorming names with me (although I doubt they remember doing it, since it was so long ago). Ratcreature and Amore di Libri pointed out several others recently.
> 
> Here are the Tough Old(er) Broads Through Time and Space, in order of appearance/reference:
> 
> \--Alys Vorpatril, Barrayaran noblewoman, created by Lois McMaster Bujold  
> \--Ermintrude Fogg, British spy, created by me  
> \--Cordelia Vorkosigan, ex-spaceship captain and current power behind Aral Vorkosigan, created by Lois McMaster Bujold  
> \--Gladys, British witch, created by Diana Wynne Jones  
> \--Lwaxana Troi, Betazoid telepath and troublemaker, created by the folks at "Star Trek: The Next Generation"  
> \--May Parker, kindly aunt, created by Stan Lee  
> \--The unnamed woman, created by me to help Jean Grey  
> \--Jane Marple, British detective, created by Agatha Christie  
> \--Hera, queen of the gods  
> \--Eugenia Potter, kindly old lady and darn good cook, created by Virginia Rich  
> \--Dolores Landingham, secretary, created by Aaron Sorkin  
> \--Dimity Westwood, do-gooder and ghost, created by Nancy Atherton  
> \--Lt. Anita Van Buren, police detective, created by the folks at Law &amp; Order  
> \--Emily Seeton, drawing teacher and accidental detective, created by Heron Carvic  
> \--Maud Silver, detective, created by Patricia Wentworth  
> \--Hildegarde Withers, detective, created by Stuart Palmer  
> \--Bertha Cool, detective, created by Erle Stanley Gardner (writing as A.A. Fair)  
> \--Emily Pollifax, CIA spy, created by Dorothy Gilman  
> \--Diana Trent, professional curmudgeon, created by the writers of "Waiting for God"  
> \--Jacqueline Kirby, librarian, created by Elizabeth Peters  
> \--Henrietta O'Dwyer Collins, reporter turned author, created by  
> \--Amelia Peabody, archaeologist, created by Elizabeth Peters  
> \--Lady Morella, Centauri seeress, created by JMS and the writers of "Babylon 5"  
> \--Susan Calvin, roboticist, created by Isaac Asimov  
> \--Hilda Regenbogen, cook at the Xavier school, created by me  
> \--Bubbe Rose, grandmother and smartass, created by me  
> \--Sister Mary Stigmata, nun, created by the writers of "The Blues Brothers"  
> \--Minerva McGonagall, Hogwarts teacher, created by JK Rowling  
> \--Leslie Thompkins, do-gooder doctor, created by Denny O'Neil  
> \--The Honorable Constance Ethel Morrison-Burke, judge, created by Joyce Porter


End file.
